February 27, 2008
there’s a perfect song for the kind of person that i am right now…
A certain shade of green,
tell me, is that what you need?
All signs around say move ahead.
Could someone please explain to me your ever present
lack of speed?
Are your muscles bound by ropes?
Or do crutches cloud your day?
My sources say the road is clear,
and street signs point the way.
Are you gonna stand around till 2012 A.D.?
What are you waiting for,
A certain shade of green?
I think I grew a gray watching you procrastinate.
What are you waiting for,
A certain shade of green?
Would a written invitation
signed, “Choose now or lose it all,”
sedate your hesitation?
Or inflame and make you stall?
You’ve been raised in limitation,
but that glove never fit quite right.
The time has passed for hand-me-downs,
choose anew, please evolve,
take flight
What are you waiting for?
A written invitation?
A public declaration?
A private consolation?
- my answer: i really dont know… sometimes i just find myself falling into this brief holes of procrastination and i cant seem to do anything… trying to crawl out though… hope to post more tomorrow. :p
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February 17, 2008
layout: im trying to customize the layout… am having a hard time ‘re-learning’ css. i also want to incorporate funner colors
tagboard: tagboard is now working… hope you guys can leave me some love….
posts: uhmmm… ill try to be more interesting promise!
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February 17, 2008
i don’t really have a definite opinion about valentines day… but i hate it when it falls on a work day. first, there’s the insane traffic created by the mob (not necessarily couples) who decided to celebrate the damn day. second, there’s that unrelenting pressure to have someone special who should ask you on a date on that day. third, you just dont feel special enough when you go home empty handed while everyone else has (atleast one) flowers, chocolates and a stuffed something…
i guess im not a big fan of valentines day because of the commercialism that it brings to society. and how guys suddenly become love sick monkeys and girls become eager puppies anticipating doggie biscuits… well not everyone… but most… and you cant help yourself if you secretly wish someone would be nice enough to give you a rose…
so… i pretend that i dont care. i pretend that im not waiting for anyone to send me flowers. i pretend that it doesnt matter if anyone remembers me on this day…
although things are different this year because i am in a relationship… we have the long distance situation going on… and i know that in long distance relationships, you have to expect to be disappointed most of the time…
however, around 11 in the morning, as i dragged my sleepy body back to my desk after an excruciating meeting with my boss, a man asks for me holding a big bouquet of flowers and a stuffed toy… all i could say was ‘oh my gawd are you sure thats for me?’
hmmm…
valentines day 2008- i was treated like a woman. hehehe
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February 16, 2008
that one liner is one of the most important lines i ever made in the history of my existence in this planet. im not going to blog about it right now since its already 1 :27 am and i need to get up in a few hours.
but it stands for so many things that represent me as a person.
—–
been trying vector art and still not getting the hang of it. although ive been sketching with my pen and paper most of the time, drawing with the PC has been my worst forte. anyhoo, today i worked for 5 hours trying to make my gravatar… thought id post it here.
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February 15, 2008
i go through my life expecting the worse, smiling at the little flicker of positive vibes but dismissing it as chance, hating every ounce of myself when i screw up something good, wallowing in misery and repeating to myself that i deserve it when the things take the turn for the worse…
— Rachel Nov 28, 2007
Good gawd, i must have been really depressed when i wrote this.
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February 12, 2008
i feel like ive repressed my need to exercise for so long that i dont know how it feels like anymore.
—–
i spent about an hour trying to find something to write about tonight and until now, i dont have any rattled feelings that i want to share with anyone. all i know is that im bored, im hungry, and im tired.
its always so much easier for me to blog when im sad, or angry, or heartbroken. i guess that makes me an emotional blogger…
i wanted to blog about valentines day and how much its going to suck but naaah, im too lazy to think about love… valentines day is going to suck really bad though… seriously.
——
i got the following list from a relationship assessment test i took from tickle. i miss my paramour.
10 things that ruin relationships
1. Secrets — You fear the consequences of telling your partner something you are ashamed about, and therefore cut off lines of communication.
2. Egotism — Thinking of yourself before thinking of your partner or the relationship diminishes the importance of your partner.
3. Pettiness — Blowing the little things up into big things when there is probably something else that is going on results in avoidance of the real issue.
4. Power — Always needing to be in control and trying to control your partner does not allow your partner his or her own indepedence.
5. Priorities — Doing everything else in your life before putting effort into the relationship tells your partner that his or her needs don’t equal yours.
6. Selfishness — Using the relationship to feel good rather than just trying to be a good person in your relationship.
7. Excuses — Not accepting your responsibility for your mistakes and owning up to them shows a lack of maturity.
8. Liaisons — Maintaining taboo relationships when they might be doing harm to you and your partner undermines your commitment as a couple.
9. Denial — Ignoring the red flags and not discussing them constricts lines of open communication.
10. Withdrawal — Disconnecting for reasons that are not discussed or that you are confused about shuts down any hope of intimacy.
—
i really cant think of anything with substance. im gonna sleep now.
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February 11, 2008
it is 10 am and the one thing i need right now is probably something to wake up the blood in my veins… something like a chocolate bar or a big cup of hot laxative tea. or a massage. or a body scrub.
my eyes refuse to open. my head refuses to function. its freezing out here (rachel’s middle eastern standards), and i can’t work if i take my coat, scarf and gloves off. so im working wearing them. but i feel bulky and my legs are still freezing. but to be honest, im pretty much the only one freezing… something must be wrong with my nerves…
———–
its 2:21 PM now. just finished lunch. i feel like barfing coz i ate 3 slices of hawaiian pizza with stuffed crust from Pizza Hut. During this period, the conversation between me and my officemates, Dinah and Leena ranged from my failing health (i only have a few months left to live…) and the on going hypocritical stand on contraceptives in the Philippines… i mean we are a liberal country even if the higher religious authorities do not want to admit it…
———–
its 3:48 PM, i just finished sending out inquiries on forklifts and i just learned that there are electric forklifts and there are those that run on diesel… i always thought forklifts are just forklifts and there are no variations… what a fool i’ve been all my life!
———–
its 5:18 PM, just finished presenting a modified version of some of our existing furniture… also wrapped up an exchange of emails with my highschool girlfriends about the future of one of us…
we’re playing match maker for a friend… hope things work out…
———–
its 10:51 PM, im watching PS I love you and its almost finished… shed a few tears… i think im inlove with Gerard Butler…
i left the office at 6 PM to walk to the bus stop in Karama, where i waited for an hour and a half for the bus to come. im the impatient type so after an hour of waiting i called the Roads and Transport Authority to give them a piece of my mind…
after 15 minutes, the bus came and some indian ladies started arguing about queues and stuff… and i got a word in edge wise…
anyway, i liked the book better (PS I love you) but i never imagined Gerry to be as good looking as Gerard Butler… he just looks really human in this movie. Unlike in 300, where his pecs look so rock hard i felt like they were made of titanium.
ill be sleeping within the next half hour.. maybe… just started another movie…
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February 10, 2008
day started out sucky.
i just realized my paramour is avoiding me. i dont know why.
this is what i hate about long distance relationships. it is so hard to reach out and ask what’s the matter coz its so easy to be ignored. and im the kind of person who goes crazy when treated with silence. im better off being yelled at than ’shunned’…
….
there’s something about me and that word…
….
didnt get to sleep well on the way to work (during the 2 hour drive), my dad almost got us into several accidents and all i could do was flinch and scream whenever we narrowly miss another car. Drivers from Sharjah are maniacs and pathological law breakers… They would cut infront of you like there is no tomorrow, drag race in the middle of a traffic jam, and block the road like they own it… and they don’t care if they get a fine or hit someone, seriously… i think they do these things to annoy the hell out of other people. it gives them pleasure whenever the mob gives them the horn!… i feel like giving them the fist sometimes…
….
so right now, im more expired than inspired. my last message to my paramour before he shunned me- lol, had this line-
‘you are nothing short of my everything’
so do you think this scared him?…
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February 9, 2008
even the best fall down sometimes
even the wrong words seem to rhyme
out of the doubts that fill my mind
i somehow find that you and i collide…
the worse part about getting sick is that you over-rest and when you wake up, you have so much energy that’s illegal in some parts of the world…
dont you get days when you just feel down because nothing inspires you? i spent the entire day sleeping, reading blogs, watching a total of three movies and some you tube content recommended by pao. i waited for an email from my paramour but nothing came. i guess that plays a big part about being uninspired since its been 4 days… oh well, who cares? im suppose to be obsessing about kibum from super junior anyway… its quite therapeutic to occupy your mind wiht other things… like really thin korean guys who dance and sing together… apparently, they are suppose to be a big thing in South east asia, including the Philippines. I dont get it, but i like my guys with a little extra beef around the tummy… if they’re thinner than me, its just sad… anyhoo, Kibum looks decent enough - meaning he looks like he eats his food and does not throw up after wards… these guys are just ridiculously thin. their music is okay though- hardcore pop (which isnt really my thing) and they have good vocal quality, but over all, the ‘ridiculously thin’ turns me off. oooh, and also the pretty hair.
oh well, i watched Juno today. Its a pretty good movie, i still have to meet a girl as dynamic as Juno. Most of the people i know that are as crazy as she is are pretty much my age or older… i also love michael cera here… better than super bad (sorry pao, it really is). oh well, overall, the soundtrack is kick ass… funny (and sweet) theme song by the Moldy Peaches (anyone else but you). but they really are quite an eccentric band… and then old school rock flashbacks… this movie also made me want to buy a gibson guitar… maybe someday… im working on my violin playing at the moment…
started with violin lessons last friday… thought it would be a really complicated instrument but playing the piano and the guitar is harder than the violin… trust me… im not saying im that good. im saying i can play okay on the first try… 
had dinner with old highschool friends yesterday at Miyako, hyatt regency. Food was good… i love japanese food especially the sushi. its good to get in touch with old friends and just reminisce about crazy high school days. i was crazy that time… hahaha i never realized… i also found out that i gave really bad advice back then… and everyone thought i was also mature… only last night did i found out how many lives i ruined by giving unsolicited advice. so last night, i made a pact to myself to shut up about my opinion on things and stay in my corner and blog about it…
……
RHEYTARDED TIP no. 2: How to know if you are being shunned
we all can’t help falling inlove with our friends… especially when they mean so much to you… you just can’t spend enough time with them and life seems peachy when they are around. you can’t decide without consulting them and you can’t finish the day without updating them… well, im not that INLOVE with my friends, but considering that im supposedly 68% introverted, updating someone atleast three times a week is already a big deal…
so if a friend literally stops talking to you and you want to find out IF they want you in your life, send them a text message… just the usual how are you, which normally sparks up a series of SMS about the updates on your and her life… you’ll know that you’re shunned when she replies (out of politeness) that she’s okay and ends the message with ‘okay, sige ingat.’ if she doesnt reply at all, yeah you’re shunned…
this just means, she doesnt want you to text back anymore… or she doesnt really want to hear from you… in Filipino culture, when you finally say that line which literally translates to ‘okay, you take care!’, the REAL hidden meaning is, ‘okay, bye’.
i hate being left hanging though. someone has to explain to me where i went wrong or if i was a bad friend or whatever… and no matter how grave or how shallow the reason might be, since you already made it clear that im not a friend anymore, ill stay away. but atleast give me closure or something…
….
But I’m open, you’re closed
Where i follow, you’ll go
I worry I won’t see your face
Light up again
I’m quiet, you know
You make a first impression
I’ve found I’m scared to know
I’m always on your mind
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
out of the back you fall in time
You somehow find, you and I collide
-Collide, Howie Day
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February 7, 2008
its nice to have real friends around when you’re sick…
ive been coughing and tossing and turning and running after my nose the past two weeks… getting better, getting worse, making wheezy noises, drained out, sleepless nights, sleepy mornings… etc etc etc. this rollercoaster ride that my health is taking is beginning to take its toll… apart from being exhausted physically, mentally im tired of beign sick and i cant wait for the day when i can breathe without obstruction once again.
so i have my ‘family’ friends who are always there who love me to death and have shown their concern through text messages… there is one who gave me a day off last Monday (thanks dyns! it pays to have a top dog as a friend…) but nothing beats ginger and lemon and hot water in a glass made by a concerned friend…
…
…
…
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